There are times when I do get bored while searching Craigslist. Page after page of overpriced musclecars I could never afford and rusty projects that will never get finished tend to dull my enthusiasm, and it takes something truly bizarre to capture my interest. This van did just that. Between the pictures showing a grille- and headlight-less fascia (but don’t worry, those parts are in the basement!), a shifter, and a very grungy footwell, I was excited to see what else was in store. Let’s examine this ad a little further:
“She’d be a great running van with minor work done to it.” – Have you ever done engine work on a full-size van? Nothing about it is minor. Considering the seller mentions later on that he suspects the engine has a bad head gasket, I wouldn’t say “minor” is the word to use here.
“Really cool all black ‘no windows in back’ vintage van w/ carpet on the inside.” – I would say “scary as hell” as opposed to “really cool,” but that’s just me.
“Has cupboards for camping” – Or, you know, storing the remains of your victims.
“3/4 of the tires are good (ALL hold air)” – Considering “holding air” is the main prerequisite for being a tire, I don’t know that that’s something to really brag about. And now I’m really curious as to what makes the fourth tire bad.
“wooden door handles” – And yet no pictures. Given the state of the rest of the vehicle, I can’t imagine the craftsmanship that went into these.
“kinda messy inside” – Understatement of the century here.
“shifter gets “stuck” sometimes” – At what times? When I’m trying to get out of the way of a runaway garbage truck, most likely.
“I’ll even help you work on it to drive it out of here.” – Jackpot! That’s the whiff of desperation I was hoping for. Hand the guy $500 and this thing is yours, I’m sure of it.